» Missing her.
I have to vent. And share this — I won’t be able to sleep, and I want…I don’t know what I’m after here –
I just keep picturing what tomorrow is going to be like. In a room, full of the people who have supported me. The people who have listened to stories about Monica from before the accident so I could reinforce everything I wanted to remember her for — not the “after the accident” part, but the fun, silly “every story I have generally comes back to Monica” stuff. I’ll be giving a presentation Sat. in front of all the people who listened. The people who took notes for me when I darted out of the room to answer the phone when she called. The people who are ready to celebrate being done with class and I don’t want to ruin it. The guy who I wrote a paper with and had to leave Monica’s hospital room the first day she could speak — her birthday, or as I would say, “that day you hate,” when I’d give her a seemingly random gift a week later. I had to drive to his house 5 hours away to get it done and the directions he gave me involved looking for the only farmhouse with a light on after passing a farm with three cows and some big oak in the middle of nowhere in upstate NY and that made her laugh. Her mother still laughs about it. That and my telling her half the people in my class are like Paris on the Gilmore Girls. The people who gave advice — the guy who didn’t have his part of the paper done was redeemed by providing research and advice from a close friend who was paralyzed after a skiing accident. And how to meditate to clear my mind which is sooooo not working tonight. This is one weekend I’m not going to get a call about some random thing she had to tell me about.
I wrapped up the project I’ve been working on for school about an hour ago and realized I missed a whole year of numbers (think the professor will notice we’re missing the first year?) Then my mind when on a tail spin. I’m reeeaally hoping that doesn’t happen in class — I’ve always been able to set everything aside, step up to the plate, and play whatever part is needed in the moment. It will really suck if that skill takes a vacation Sat.