I seem to be doing much better sanity-wise today. Work still insane, but things are falling in place. Right-hand guy at work is back from vacation, so that helps a lot.

Almost took a video of the cat this morning as he was going crazy as I was making coffee. He thinks the bag o’ coffee is his catnip. Then again, he may have just made that mistake once, but now knows that if his starts going insane while I’m making coffee I’ll inevitably going into the living room and give a dose of catnip. I don’t give this cat that much credit. Milos, yes. Chai is like living with curious George.

When I pulled in this morning Security was camped out in visitor’s parking. Helped remind me that I was going to start parking in legal spaces today. So, I did. Let’s see if I remember where I parked when I leave tonight.

I just had the weirdest sensation I think I’ve ever experienced. My head went numb – actually felt like I was stuffed with foam – then got cold, and that worked it’s way to my toes really slowly — kind of felt like foam that got filled up with water (cold water), then I felt this strange force, like energy work it’s way from my toes up to my head, just as slowly as the cold worked it’s way down. Then I almost got sick, and now I am extremely drained. Felt like slow-motion, but probably just under 5 mins.

It was due to a totally conscious decision to fuck with my own head. Whether it was a test, or just curiosity I’m not sure, but I decided to look at Monica’s purchase history in Amazon, which has everything she ordered beginning with her first order in 2000. There it was, every weekend I stopped by and she started off with “Look what I just got.”

Obviously not ready to go through that stuff yet, but I know I need to farm it out of Amazon before it gets lost. I was happy to see things I remembered her talking about – and stuff for Garrett for when he was older.

My memory lapses when under stress, so I’m a little obsessed with keeping track of things. I don’t usually forget entirely – I know there’s a story or a detail that exists but I just can’t get to it; kind of like I can see the index of a book, but when I get to pages they’re blank. I’m kind of stuck with just having an index at the moment.

I find my own brain frustrating. I have too many thoughts at once. I try to do too many things at once. I have every single song that was playing on the ride home last night in my head at this very moment.

Yet, I can’t pick a single thing to work on, or anything to listen to.

So, I continue to have a ridiculous headache because I have 42 songs fighting in my head.

I had so many thoughts floating in my head yesterday that when asked if I wanted coffee – a simple yes or no question that 99% of the time is yes – I honestly couldn’t compute, or decide. Realized I was thirsty, so I went for water. I then got distracted by realizing just how distracted I was.

While my head was racing I appeared as a person without a thought, and very quiet.

I know that’s OK, and my friends love and accept me for who I am, and I am free to be myself. I’m just not quite sure what to do when it’s me who is upset with myself for being quirky.

I blame it on the full moon. Truth is, I’m probably losing my grip on what’s left of my sanity. I need to lock myself in my apartment this weekend and clean, organize, and purge – I can’t hope to feel on solid ground until I get things in order there first.

Then I have to give up coffee. And start running again. Or at least ride my bike — no more parking tickets would be a good step in the right direction. Hey, even bringing my lunch. I actually started adding up how much a month I’d have if I stayed away from visitor’s parking, brought my lunch, and dropped coffee. I bit more than I realized.